Here is what I consider to be the 2o best funny gag gifts for women and men, your friends, family, and co-workers. Gag gifts are a great way to surprise your friends, make a party memorable, or even break the ice. I believe that you can’t go wrong with any of these picks that I hand-curated and wouldn’t be surprised if some of them leave your loved ones howling in laughter!
These funny gag gifts range in price from about $5 up to $25 for the more expensive ones. They can make funny birthday gifts, Christmas presents, White Elephant Gifts and Secret Santa Gifts to name a few. Gift one to your mother, father, sister, brother, him, her, boyfriend, girlfriend, or whoever else you can think of.
Best Funny Gag Gift Ideas for Christmas and rest of the year!
Be sure to check back often as we will add more gifts when they are released. Enjoy this list of the top gag gifts and let me know if you have any suggestions that you would like to add to the list of the best gag gifts for Christmas!
Nature’s Dick Pics calendar is the perfect gag gift for any nature lover (no pun intended). This calendar of phallic rock structures from National Parks, Sate Parks, and other locations. This funny calendar was released in late 2017 out of nowhere and became an instant joke gift classic. “The only dick pics you should be sharing” according to their website. This calendar is on the higher end of the prank gift pricing spectrum but well worth it. Perfect gift for your friends, favorite co-worker, or $10-20 gift exchanges.
Are you kidding me? Can you imagine watching tv and in the corner of your eye you see your significant other, your friend, or whoever you can picture reaching for a rake and scratching their back with it? Forget about trying to make the recipient of this gift laugh, you would probably find yourself in tears! The Redneck Backscratcher is easily one of the best gag gifts in my book. Makes a funny gag gift idea for friends and family.
The Farting Animals Coloring Book came out of nowhere in late 2016 and instantly it became a gag gift favorite. Imagine your favorite colorist opening up this gift expecting it to be another one of those mandala coloring books, or an adult coloring book with a bunch of floral designs or zentangle. Instead, they open it up and it’s…The Farting Animals Coloring Book? What the…! Imagine the look on their face! This is a good joke gift for your favorite colorist and makes a great $5 Secret Santa or White Elephant Gift Idea.
At first glance it doesn’t seem like a joke. It actually seems like an ingenious idea. Especially, for survival situations. But, when you read “Just add water” on the label, you began to realize that you just fell for a joke. You need water to make water?! Dehydrated water is one of the best gag gifts you can give to your favorite prepper or survival nut. Makes a good $10 white elephant or Secret Santa gift.
Got some built-up tension you need to release? Is work becoming a little stressful these days? Do you have an exam you need to study for? Or better yet, do you have a friend that is in need of stress relief? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might want to consider picking up a pair of Smack a Sack stress balls. Nothing like smacking around a pair of balls when you are under stress. Don’t worry, your co-workers will look the other way. Trust me.
I almost spit out my orange juice the first time I heard about the book titled: 50 Ways to Eat Cock. At first glance, you think it might be a book about “giving head” but no. It is a recipe book about eating ‘cock’ as in chicken/rooster. If that’s not enough, the tagline reads: Healthy Chicken Recipe with Balls! This is one of the best gag gifts you can give to your girlfriend. Whether she is a girlfriend in the traditional relationship sense, or girlfriend as in just your friend.
If you have a friend or family member who is a dog lover, then you may want to consider this funny gag gift for them. Sure, the Pooping Pooches calendar is a tad gross, but you have to admit, it’s hilarious! They may not admit it, but they will want to see the photo on all 12 months. How can you not wonder what’s going to be on the next calendar page? Heck, you will probably check before YOU give the gift away! This is a good gag gift for Secret Santa gift exchanges or your favorite dog lover.
I really did spit out my orange juice when I first saw this gag gift. Are you kidding me? Cat Butts coloring book? To me Cat Butts are kinda gross but some people seem to think their cute. Of course, no one is really going to color cat butts. Or, are they? At any rate, this coloring book came out of nowhere in late 2017 and I am willing to bet it makes more splashes for years to come. This is a good gag gift for your favorite colorist.
Do you have friends or loved ones that are germaphobes? You do? Well, that was easy…your gift buying is officially done! No need to look anywhere else when you can play off their fears in a fun, loving, joking matter. Introducing the Public Toilet Survival Kit, a perfect gag gift for your favorite germaphobe, or your favorite person who always complains about how dirty the public toilet is.
This is easily one of the more unique gag gifts on the list and perfect for unicorn lovers! The unicorns made me do it kit includes a stress relief unicorn doll, a pile of purple magnetic unicorn poop, a magical story card which tells the tale and battle of unicorn vs stress, and a drawstring gift bag. A perfect joke gift for your friend, family worker, or co-worker who is going through a lot of stress and needs a little bit of relief.
The Nap Sack Sleep Hood isn’t even a gift. Instead, it’s a gag gift box that you put the present in. When the recipient takes the wrapping paper off, they discover what they think is their gift: a Nap sack!? What? Are you kidding me?! You want me to where this thing over my head when I take a nap? In public? In church? What?! The recipient thinks they are getting this stupid nap sack when in reality, when they open the box, they discover their actual gift! The company behind this genius creation has a whole assortment of these type of boxes. Surprise your friends, family, and co-workers over and over again.
Do you have a friend, family member, or co-worker who eats hotdogs all of the time? Well, there isn’t a better gag gift for someone who is obsessed with ball park franks than a retro hot dog toaster. But it’s just not any hot dog toaster, it’s a retro one! And it really works! Just plop in two hot dogs and two buns and within 5 minutes you have yourself a hot dog ready to eat! Just don’t forget the mustard, ketchup, and relish!
We have all seen fake poop, am I right? Either you played a prank on a friend, or a friend played a prank on you, or you’ve seen someone prank another with fake poop. If it wasn’t fake poop then it was probably fake vomit. At any rate, is there a better way to prank someone with fake poop than with an entire bag of it? The giant sack of shit is a bag filled with an assortment of fake poop. It even has a couple of fake poop that looks like bear scat. This is a good gag gift for friends or family members. Or consider leaving this on one of your co-workers desk when they are not looking. Now that would be funny!
Jewelry boxes are a thing of the past! Why use a jewelry box to store your rings, bracelets, and necklaces when you can display your bling bling on a flexing stud muffin ring holder? If you are a woman, this is a funny gag gift for your best friend, and if you are a guy, this is a funny gift for your gay friend. This male figurine can hold jewelry on it’s flexing arm or it’s D@$%. A great gift for your close friends or for bachelorette parties.
Remember the hit erotic romance novel and motion picture “50 Shades of Chicken?” How could you forget it, right? This is a super funny gift for your friend or family member who is obsessed with that movie. 50 Sales of Chicken is a parody cook book with all kinds of sensual and sensual recipes for those late nights. How could you resist gifting this to your favorite 50 shades of Gray fan?
Collecting coins has never been so much fun. If someone gave me the farting coin bank as a gag gift, I would probably be in the supermarket parking lot searching for coins of any type. Even pennies! Every time you insert a coin in the back of this plastic mooning butt, it makes a farting sound. The only bad news is that it takes 3 triple A batteries. Sure the batteries may last a while but I have a huge jar of coins just waiting to be inserted. Those batteries won’t last long! A good gift for Secret Santa gift exchanges, your family, friends, and co-workers.
Get comfy inside your favorite wrap with this comfortable blanket. This cozy blanket makes a perfect gift for that burrito enthusiast in your life. Made out of warm fleece, this blanket makes an excellent covering for hanging out on your porch during a cool night. It can also double as the perfect thing to lay down for a picnic on a summer’s day. The Burrito Blanket is currently available in four sizes: 47 inches, 60 inches, 71 inches, and 80 inches. Customers can also choose from six different color choices.
This product comes with a gift bag so you can present it to the lucky recipient.
Are you one of the countless people that find poop funny? If this sounds like you, this game will have you and your friends rolling with laughter. Poop Shoot is a game that can provide some fun for everyone. Whether it’s a night with the family or some team-building with co-workers, this game promises to break the ice and bring people together. Kids, parents, and grandparents will all want to get in on the action. This game comes with two hoops that attach to the player’s heads and twenty pieces of poop. Take your best shot and ignite some friendly, and hilarious, competition.
Do you like being the person who can blurt out a quick piece of trivia at a party? Are you constantly looking for ice breakers to start a conversation? This book will help you wow co-workers and impress your friends with some unbelievable, yet true stories. Readers will find facts in a variety of areas, including sports, history, and pop culture. Garner laughs, produce amazement, and get yourself noticed with all the interesting facts included in this book.
If you’re looking for the perfect gift for your boss, this container might be exactly what you need. While sure to give the perfect boss a laugh, it also serves many practical purposes. It can be used to store pens, money, candy, and many other small items. This product is also made out of high-quality stoneware ceramic materials. People may be amazed to hear that even the glaze is fade resistant. It is also dishwasher safe, so it doesn’t require any special cleaning that could become time-consuming. Bosses may also love that it is easy to place on a desk, as it is four-and-a-half inches wide and five inches tall.
We all have those friends or family members that really love beer.
For the folks in your life that always like to have a frosty brew handy, this beer holster makes sure that they’re covered. With a comfortable, adjustable strap that can accommodate waists up to size 50, this product is a gift that can be given to many people without the worry that it won’t fit. This beer holster can be given as a great gag gift to the person in your life that seems like they are making quite a few trips to the refrigerator during football season.
The Blah Button is the perfect gag gift for that person in your life that doesn’t have the patience for being involved in a boring or pointless conversation. With just a press of the button, this product will say, “blah, blah, blah,” in twelve humorous ways. Using various tones and styles, the Blah Button makes sure it keeps things fresh every time you need to press it. Folks who purchase this item may find it useful as a bonding tool with coworkers, or as a way to relieve stress after a difficult phone call.
Everyone knows that coffee is a way to get you going–in more ways than one. This humorous mug is a fun gift for that person in your life who is made regular by their morning java. This coffee mug is more than just funny, it’s also made of exceptional white ceramic and is both dishwasher and microwave safe. Whether you are looking for a stocking stuffer, gag gift, or a little something for a friend, this item is sure to please and get you more than a couple laughs.
The I Pee in Pools Trucker Hat makes a great gift for that person who makes us glad that they put a ton of chlorine in pools. Featuring a retro design, this hat will appeal to people who enjoy nostalgia or those who like calling back to a different time. Customers will be able to choose between eight different color variations, and you don’t have to worry about head size because this hat comes in one-size-fits-all, thanks to a snap closure.
This hat is made of 100% polyester with a foam bill, and buyers may be proud to know that it was made in the United States of America.
The Worst Alphabet Book Ever! We all know the English language can be kind of odd, which can make learning spelling and reading it quite challenging. This book celebrates that fact humorously and educationally. Are you the type of person who enjoys the sometimes-bizarre rules of English? Do you know a couple of parents who are trying to teach their children the alphabet? This book can provide an abundance of laughs for people who have a love of language and humor. P is for Pterodactyl comes in hardcover and is written by Raj Haldar.
Whether it’s a partner, co-worker, friend, or roommate, we all know someone who passes gas that is so lethal it threatens to choke us out with its stink. If you know a person whose flatulence is so terrible that it brings tears to your eyes, what better gag gift than the Fart Relief Mask. The next time this person lets one loose, you’ll be able to show them how retched the smell is by slipping on this mask. This product allows you to add some levity to an otherwise smelly situation. The Fart Relief Mask is made in the United States and can be hidden in a car, living room, or bedroom, so you can pull it out at the most hilarious, and stinky, time.
Embrace your inner white trash with this hillbilly collection of 200+ recipes sure to make you the belly-scratchin’ favorite in the entire trailer park. Whip up a pot of Jail-House Chili and invite all your yardbird friendlies—it’ll sure to make you homesick for your days in the slammer. Or scrape off the roadkill out in front of your double-wide and serve up Broiled squirrel with a side of PBR. Don’t got no teeth? Make sure to dog-ear Pore Folk Soup or Lucy’s Guaranteed Stewed Prunes. And don’t forget to give thanks for the pack of camels in your back pocket and the wife beater on your back with Our Lord’s Scripture Cake. Be more white trash today with this country cousin collection of sumptuous delights.
This rechargeable 16-hued toilet nightlight will not only illuminate the swirly deuce you just plopped into the john, but it will save your marriage the next time you decide to get up to relieve yourself in the middle of the night. With this motion-detecting wonder, you will never miss again. Perfect for the man, child, man-child—you will be hailed as the best gift giver this side of the septic tank.
America’s favorite vegetable is now a tantalizing air freshener! Hang these more-real-than-life bacon strips anywhere you’re tempted to hold your nose: gym shoes, rearview mirror, kitchen pantry, bathroom stall, or office cubicle. Can even be worn as a necklace! Note: Not for consumption.
Don’t be a small fry when it comes to gift giving or party games. For 2+ players, this hilarious and exciting game is played just the same as traditional Hot Potato—But wait! This isn’t your grandparent’s hot potato game. Up your status on the prank-o-meter and perhaps decrease the amount of friends you have (who needs more than one anyway?) with the Shock Potato Game. With three levels of play to cater to anyone’s scare-tolerance level, everyone from Little Jimmy to Grandpa John can enjoy this game (though we do recommend those with medical issues or who are pregnant consult their doctor before playing).
Never before has keeping our snot contained and wearing gloves been more popular than right now during the 2020 global pandemic. Being caught without a tissue is decidedly uncouth and will be a thing of the past with Snittens. Conveniently neutral colored and made to absorb 28X it’s weight, they are not just for your snot! Bring chivalry back by wearing them on dates or be the coolest dad by wearing them to the park with the kids. You will wonder what you ever did without these plush snot wipers.
Hey senior citizens! Turns out you do serve a purpose! Do you find yourself finicky, indecisive, or just plain forgetful during these well-earned twilight years? Stop wasting these precious years deciding what to do! Just spin the arrow and follow the instructions: Take a Nap, Watch TV, Drive Real Slow, Dye Hair Blue, Take a Nap (Did we already say that?), and more! Easy to take with you where you go (even if you do forget where you are).
Be the life of the next party by spinning a yarn of the time old Wild Bill Hicock shot his pistol and the bullet lodged in your shot glass. Or, just get drunk with your friends by slinging back your favorite liquor in this one-of-a-kind shot glass sure to make even the most unimpressed drunk impressed. This fantastic shot glass boasts a real .308 copper bullet, lead-free.
Ever wonder what it takes to be a real Texan? To be your own man in the deep heart of Texas? What it actually means to be Texas tough? Ya, me neither. But this guide will help you learn all the ins and outs, the customs and devotions of a real, live Texan…if you ever did decide that you wanted to learn these things, of course. This book holds more sayings, more customs, more helpful hints at becoming a real Texan than you can shake a stick at. Are you even a real Texan if you don’t buy this book? I reckon not.
Embrace your inner furry, or cover up your ugly feet—either way, these cute animal feet will have you prancing, pawing, hoofing your way to a better life. Because as they say, those who have the prettiest feet have the prettiest lives. Well, maybe I’ve never actually heard anyone say that, but I betcha a lot of people think that. Choose from dinosaur, dog, cat, zebra, eagle, polar bear, or tiger.
Grab a stick, because you’re going to have to beat off all your admirers while wearing these tongue-in-cheek socks. Buy several and be a hit at your next bachelorette party or wear them to compliment your team’s next roller derby uniform. Cheeky, sassy, and bold, these socks are a perfect conversation starter and a walking pick-up line. Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Knee high, stretchy, and oh so clever. One size fits all.
We live in such a busy world, it’s hard to find time to do anything good for ourselves. That’s includes getting some good old-fashioned exercise! This simple yet funny gag gift is a block of wood with instructions that read: 1. Place Block on Floor 2. Walk around it twice 3. Sit back and relax! Congratulations! You have now walked around the block twice!
It looks real and seems like it could be a thing, but YOU know very well there isn’t such thing as headlight fluid to make your lights work! It even states on the package: “For Not-so-bright car owners This gag gift is packaged in a way that it looks like a real product for automobiles. In fact, packaged in the same type of container as motor oil. Give this gift to a kid or someone who doesn’t know a thing about cars and ask them to go into the auto parts store to ask for more!
Imagine all the fun you can have with this one! Put a sandwich in one of these bags and toss it in your significant others lunch bag/box before they go to work. Or, put a sandwich in this bag and hide it on your co-workers desk. Or give it as a gift of gag to use on their unsuspecting loved ones. This gag gift is sure to produce ongoing laughs.
This is one of those gag gifts that you will probably want to keep for yourself – and they are very useful as well! In fact, these drink coasters are a great (and funny) way to remind guests to use coasters when they visit. Each one of these drink coasters have a funny swear word quote written in elegant design such as: “Don’t f*ck up the table (please)”. Give this away as a good gag gift or keep it yourself to help entertain the guests.
This coffee table style book makes a good gag gift for a dude. This book is filled with images that you wouldn’t want to think about when you masturbate. Like a naked stranger swinging an ax in the snow. Or, a pair of gigantic phallic cucumbers. You get the idea. Dare your male friends to check out the photos and watch their reactions!
Code Brown Commandos Emergency Underpants is a funny gag gift for your favorite dude. This hilarious gag gift subtly suggests that the recipient of this gift occasionally has accidents which would require an emergency set of underwear. In other words, it’s always ready to save your ass!
Have you ever wondered how to talk to your cat about gun safety? What about the danger of online predators? You’re not the only one. Read up on all this and more in a FAQ-style book with countless tips for raising your kitten to become a responsible cat. Because, let’s be frank, they only get nine lives. Don’t take all nine of those lives for granted or think it won’t happen to your cat. Educate your cat on apocalyptic survival strategies, how to say no to that dreaded catnip drug, and unless you’re prepared to be a grandcat right now, learn the most effective ways to talk to it about sex. The How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety book is so funny, you’re bound to get cat scratch fever from laughing so hard.
Close your eyes. Picture the last time you went to Walmart. Think about plumber’s crack, fuzzy pink dino slippers, hairy stomachs protruding from slouchy pajama bottoms. Plus-sized swimsuits. Nightmare-inducing PDA. Crusty bed-head. The classy people of your nearest trailer park haven. Now think of getting to flip through full-sized black and white renditions of these Walmart sights with your favorite colored pencils. Sound satisfying? Then this People of Walmart Adult Coloring Book is for you!
Do you struggle to adequately unleash your passive aggressive gripes? Or do you need more creative ways to remind your boyfriend of the mistake he made last summer—at least 20 more times? Then, look no further. This handy dandy checklist is the perfect way to communicate the sh%@t that really bothers you quickly and efficiently. Bring back the art of passing notes by recording your best WTF accusations on the pages of this prescription-type pad and then slip under the nearest doormat, windshield, or cubicle threshold. Now just sit back and watch the magic happen. It’s the easiest and laziest way to start—or restart—an argument.
Are you tired of getting your a** handed to you by the girl next door? Leave your wussiness behind and gain friends and popularity with this powerful can of Whoop Ass! This extra-strength formula is perfect to take with you on the go. Don’t be fooled by imposters!
Have you ever fantasized about drinking from a toilet? Now you can! What a relief to classy-up your drinking nights with these one-of-a-kind 1.5 oz. urinal shot glasses! Note: to get the fully-authentic experience, pair with your favorite bottle of yellow tequila. A perfect gift for white elephant gift exchange, the geriatric man in your life, your bridal posse, or your favorite new 21 year old.
I remember the first time I heard a goat scream. I thought it was a woman who was getting her hand severed in the garbage disposal and enjoying it. When I gathered my wits about me, I soon developed an infatuation for the oddly psychedelic, screaming creatures and watched every screaming goat video I could get my hands on. Desperate to own my own screaming pet goat, I have begged my wife countless times to let me get one. I haven’t convinced her. Yet. In the meantime, I bought my own screaming goat that sits on a tree stump and screams whenever I prod it. It’ll do for now. Includes a pocket-sized book containing all sorts of fun trivia.
Gone are the days of the matronly, cantankerous old maid of your youth. Make way for the pole dancing, smoking, swearing grandmother you wish you’d had! This Filthy Maid Party Game is played just like traditional Old Maid, but with a twist involving over 100 ballsy topics and spirited drinking challenges. Players make pairs and answer one of the questions listed on the back. Drinking challenges occur throughout the game, and special drinking punishments are given to the one who ends up with the Filthy Maid at the end of the game. A feisty-fun time for 2-6 players, 21 years and up.
There are only two types of people in this world. Those who love squirrels and those who hate them. But if I can be so bold, I’d like to add a third type to the mix: people who love squirrels and want them hanging as an air freshener from their rearview mirror wearing nothing, of course, but underpants. Friends will love it. Squirrels will see it as a sign of your secret allegiance to the powers of their majestic and bushy tails. Perfect stocking stuffer, present topper, or day brightener for your BFF.
I’m calling the cops on this one because the original O.G. Snoop Dogg is killing it with these soul food recipes found in his first ever cookbook, From Crook to Cook: Platinum Recipes from Tha Boss Dogg’s Kitchen. From a life on the run to rap king and now master chef, Snoop Dog breaks out with these original recipes sure to make you drool. Endorsed and praised by Martha Stewart, try OG Gin and Juice, Baby Got Back Ribs, fried Bologna Sandwiches, and Bow Wow Brownies and Ice Cream. And don’t miss the intimate peak into Snoop’s pantry and fridge. These recipes are legit as the Dogg himself.
Let’s taco about how annoying it is when your taco fillings come falling out of your shell. I mean, if you wanted a salad, you would have made a one in the first place. It’s time for hard-shell tacos to stand up for themselves with this brilliantly cheesy triceratops taco holder. I dino what to tell ya but that every Juan on your gift list will love it. And if your weekly taco nights are losing their luster and on the verge of extinction, it’s time to shake things up. These will do the trick. Each triceratops dinosaur holder will hold two tacos. Taco bout cool!
Think a new puppy and a retroactive sympathy card for the weeks of lost sleep is the best gift for new parents? Not so! These Boopy Poopy Anti-Bad Smell Nose Plugs will provide your new parent pals with relief from the stench of armpits, diapers, vomit, gas station bathrooms, tuna breath, and more! This 4-pack collection is strong and sturdy. A great gift for anyone who would like to temporarily halt an over-active sniffer.
Tired of your coworkers putting you down? What about your boss who can’t seem to give you a break? Maybe your teenager just changed your name from “Mom” to a 4-letter word? No need to get upset. Just pour yourself a nice, hot, steaming cup of coffee. Smile sweetly, take a big ‘ol swig, and then be on your merry way. The message you send will be loud and clear.
Fine print: not responsible for lost jobs or profanity-laced pushback. This 12oz mug is the ideal gag gift for coworkers, frenemies, and spouses. Microwave and dishwasher safe.
If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “Hmmm…I think I would be a much better person if someone laid waste to me. Cut me deep. Knocked me down at the knees. Insulted my mother,” then this F*ck I’m Bored activity book is for you! Occupy your time and have your intelligence ridiculed with these mind-bending activities with no-nonsense instructions: Sudoku, Dot-to-Dot, Word Searches, and MORE. Also perfect for those wanting to expand their 4-letter vocabulary, de-stress, or make their BFF (the one that swears like a sailor) laugh with this hilarious activity book.
Have you ever killed the mood by a wayward wine cork? Just snatch up a box of these wine condoms for your next dinner party! Contrary to what we were taught in health class, these condoms are one-size-fits-all and can be put on without any effort! This is one time we can all agree that shrink-fit technology is a good thing. The wine stopper sucks out all the oxygen, creating an air tight/water tight solution for your open wine bottles. With true-to-life hilarious packaging, these Wine Condoms, invented by a good-humored mom and son duo, are awkward, kitschy, and yet completely practical!
How much time would it take you to run across the street? Five seconds? Ten? What if you were racing a rubber chicken—would you win? Hmmm. Ok, Interesting. What if you were racing a flying, rubber slingshot chicken? Oh, you think you’d still win? Naw dawg, there’s no way you can outrun a flying, rubber slingshot chicken.
This hilarious bulk set of rubber slingshot chickens will give your next get-together the funky vibe you’ve been searching for. Place your index finger in the hole underneath the chicken’s head and then pull its tail waaaay back. Let ‘em go and watch ‘em fly! Once they hit the wall, they stick, then peel off slowly, tumbling down the wall. Make a target and keep score. Comes with a free set of water beads! What a cluckin’ good time!
Nothing speaks solidarity to your fellow cubicle prisoners like this 4-pack of notebooks that portray the sarcasm of office life. It’s the perfect gift to share the truth of corporate life with a recent graduate, your cubicle mate who understands the tear-your-hair-out office days more than anyone else in your life, or the boss. (Who is actually the spawn of Satan and sucks out the very humor these notebooks provide.) The artwork is simple and crisp and is sure to give you the sense that someone, somewhere out there, understands and is laughing, albeit half heartedly, right along with you.
My childhood heroes were MacGyver and Indiana Jones. I felt that if I could land a plane with the same calm rationale as Richard Dean Anderson or wrestle an alligator half as good as Harrison Ford, then I would have finally arrived. In The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook, you will learn both these skills, along with countless others, including: how to escape killer bees, quicksand, or a sinking car. Become your own stunt double by learning how to jump from a building into a dumpster. Deliver a baby in the backseat of a car. Tantrum-throwing kids? No problem! Never again find yourself in an extreme situation with no way out. In just seven chapters, you can become somebody else’s childhood hero.
You’ll have to take my word for it: there is something very satisfying about lighting a candle that smells heavenly—banana bread, toasted coconut, and hazelnut—and when someone takes the bait and asks what that delicious smell is, saying loud enough for the neighbors to hear, “DEEZ NUTS!” Of course, what follows this shocking exclamation must include knee slapping and loud, annoying peals of laughter. Deez Nutz Funny Candle is the perfect gift for the single guy turning 7th grade, for the girlfriend who is tired of hearing you talk about your junk all day, or memorable gifts for the groomsmen who have been your bros since day number one.
Ch-ch-ch-chia! This retro delight from your youth still makes people smile everyday. Plant the seeds, water, and bring your own sprouting terracotta elephant to life. This is especially great for that urban oasis called an apartment. Just sprinkle seeds, water, and watch it grow!
Fun fact: In 2012 and 2016, the tracked sales of the last two presidential candidate’s Chia Pet likenesses (Obama and Trump) could have successfully predicted the last two presidential elections! Includes: chia seeds for 3 plantings and an instruction booklet.
Move over Dr. Suess! Things to do While you Poo on the Loo is a pocket-sized activity book specifically designed with your defecation in mind. In fact, the chance to sit and have some quiet time reading jokes and trivia, completing puzzles, figuring sudoku, completing your poop checklist (and more!) will make you run for the bathroom when it’s time to go (well, that, and the impending explosion threatening to blow out your arse).
Note: Will not prevent your kids from knocking on the john door to ask you that “really important” question they didn’t have two minutes ago while you were standing right next to them.